From Twitter today–jimmy fallon @jimmyfallon
Hashtag game! Tweet out something funny, weird, or embarrassing that happened at a wedding and tag with #WeddingFail. Could be on the show!
My friend Jackie just got back from a family wedding on the East Coast. She probably had no idea that Jimmy was auditioning #WeddingFail tweets for his show. Jackie, we’re going to need to work on getting this down to 140 characters. In the meantime, enjoy her full length version.
A WEDDING STORY
My husband and I just returned from his nephew’s wedding which took place back East. We were able to connect with a lot of family and old friends and we ate and drank our way through the three days of celebrating. We flew home today and I had a lot of time to reflect back on the weekend, parts of which made me smile and parts of which were downright horrific.
The Rehearsal Dinner was to be a most wonderful event hosted by the Groom’s widowed mother. She had worked for months making preparations and selecting the menu; there was an open bar and an ocean view terrace for enjoying the beautiful scenery. After cocktails and dinner and toasts and love all around the Mother of the Groom slipped and fell on her slippery 4″ heels and landed face first on the floor. Black eye, swollen chin, black and blue elbow and knee. The make-up lady had her work cut out for her the following morning.
The Matron of Honor was Big Sister to Bride. Used to being the center of attention she became Queen Bitch of the day, arguing and tormenting her little sister up until the Wedding Party marched down the aisle. Adding to the drama was the 2 year old “flower girl” daughter of afore-mentioned Matron of Honor. She squealed and wailed in defiance of walking down any aisle not to her liking – and she didn’t like that aisle – so at the last minute Father of the Flower Girl swept her away so the ceremony could be heard. Her behavior might have been attributed to the fact that she had a watery and snotty cold. But Father of the Flower Girl in a selfish urge brought child back to the ceremony in order to hear final vows and just in time for her to let out another wail as she flung her juice box at the Bridesmaids. Mother-Matron of Honor found this very funny and giggled.
Parents of the Bride divorced nastily over 20 years ago and yet despite two decades apart managed to save ugly remnants of their dissolution for the Wedding Weekend. The exes had to be seated across the Reception Ballroom from one another and separated for fear of an explosion. At the Rehearsal the night prior to the wedding a fight erupted between them over who got to answer WHO GIVES THIS WOMAN IN MARRIAGE TO THIS MAN. Seriously? When the Officiate asked that question during the ceremony no one breathed. Thankfully he answered “Her Mother and I do”. Exhale.
Meanwhile I enjoyed people watching (one of my favorite sports) at the blend of Wedding guests. Groom is bi-racial; father African American and Mother Caucasian. Bride is half Jewish. We had Groom’s Aunt Thelma with full wig and weaves and Bride’s Aunt Anita who was covered in bling and commented to all who would listen that since she just had her eyes done she wasn’t up to outdoor photography and shouted out Mazel Tov whenever a toast was made. The Groom’s mother has been married four times and has three children with three different fathers and both daughters were Bridesmaids. The beautiful young people were fun to watch on the dance floor; the older and chubbier ladies – not so much. One couple had just completed dance lessons – we could hear them counting …”and one-two-three…” for hours, but they seemed to improve as the night wore on. But who really cared; the music was loud and the DJ played requests.
All in all it was a great weekend. But I had to marvel at the drama and craziness and how unconventional most weddings have become these days with blended and re-blended families. I think the best and the worst of family dynamics are on display at a wedding – and I know most couples, although excited to exchange vows, sometimes hold their breaths worrying that some dark secret or some inappropriate event will mar their joy. I think the couple enjoyed their celebration; I know we enjoyed our trip. But it was one wild ride. Cheers, Mazel Tov and Halleluia!